16.

Destination of Desire

My parents are blessings and drove me down to bus station and as we exited the DVP, there were a row of buildings that have always meant a lot to me. I remember looking out of my window as a kid and just being in awe.

These buildings were the perfect art deco lofts with wide windows that let all the light in the world in and screams 'this is your place and you are free to roam at will'.

These buildings weren't sketches into a Toronto skyline, but their presence on the cusp of the downtown core as you exit the Don Valley Parkway is roaring.

The small glimpse I catch as we drive by at 60 km/h are more vibrant than any home I've seen whole watching countless HGTV. I can sense the oak wood floors and smell the Lysol scent coming off the stainless steel appliances.

I imagine a young family living there who travel solely by bike but keep a Car2Go membership in their back pocket just in case they need to make their way into the suburbs of Toronto. Once a week they host a dinner party where their best friends gather into their open concept living space and share stories about their week, talk about what they say, what they heard while bottles of bourbon are being uncorked and beer cans tabs are being collected.

I imagine that as the night rolls down, the family sits together at their dinner table and cards are being dealt in 2s and 3s to set up a game of euchre. And when the night runs thin, the group of four splits in half and attempt to skunk each other in a game of cribbage.

These thoughts first entered my mind when I was 8. My parents had just upgraded from basic cable and I was exposed to the wonderful world of TLC and HGTV. I started to look at houses more carefully. I learned what a loft was, I learned that lofts are expensive (in the millions even). I learned that houses and apartments aren't always suburban

These thoughts have not left my mind since I was eight.

I still pass by these buildings and I still imagine that the same family upkeeps this same lifestyle and this same ideal life. But as I get older I start that person to be in that sun-filled loft to be me. I imagine myself being the owner of that idealized lifestyle playing card games that are octogenarian favourites while watching Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy.

They say home is where the heart is and these downtown lofts remind me of what my heart desires. This is what I desire. This is what my heart needs. Toronto is my home, I know this because it has my heart in more ways than one.

But as I write this, I'm passing the Pickering GO Station, heading back to Ottawa. But as I pass the green and white transit line, I'm reminded that right now that my life is in transit. But eventually, you reach your destination of desire.